No kisses in my heart...

"I have no kisses in my hawt." 

It's been a pretty common phrase around here, though it seems to be waning a bit lately. It comes from the mouth of a little girl who is feeling grumpy and wants a legitimate way to avoid an "unpleasant" task. We laugh it off on the outside, but always there's this little nagging feeling of being rejected. Of manipulation. Of something that just isn't quite what it should be. Deep down in my mama heart when my precious little girlie I'd give anything for stands back with pouty lips and downcast eyes and says "I don't have any kisses in my hawt." it stings.



I have no kisses in my heart for you. No affection worth overcoming my bad attitude for. No delight in your presence. No joy in being your daughter. My feelings just aren't there right now, so I'm going to push you away. I'll go to bed without my good night kiss rather than bend my emotions. My feelings are more important to me than you are. My emotions will run the show. If you force the issue I'll just give a reluctant peck on the cheek with soft lips that do not pucker. My wispy long eyelashes you love so much will bat down to shield my face from your gaze. I am going to stomp on your love tonight. See you in the morning.







Ouch. That kind of hurts. We know love must be freely given if it's really worth anything. We can't force someone to love us. To love us enough to lay aside their love for themselves and do something they don't "want" to do. Forced outward actions will never reach the heart--their heart or ours.

The first time or two, yes, we found it funny. Such an original idea! But as it continued, I began to meditate on what was behind it all. And then I saw myself. Just a wee bit pouty. No one had time for ME today. I gave and worked and helped and trained and gave some more, and all anyone did was ask for more. Maybe there was just the slightest chip on my shoulder as I crawled into bed. "I don't have time and energy, Lord, to have my quiet time. Sorry." No kisses in my heart tonight. Nothing real big, just a little feeling of embarrassment because I'd missed that quiet time yesterday too. Just a little peeved at how the day had gone. Just a little. Nothing much. And surely I can use the excuse this time that I'm exhausted. I really am. Nevermind I had stayed up so late because I saw an interesting conversation on FaceBook and couldn't put it down, but I'm just too tired and it's late and I... have no kisses in my heart for you, God. No affection worth overcoming my bad attitude for. No delight in your presence. No joy in being your daughter. My feelings just aren't there right now, so I'm going to push you away. I'll go to bed without my good night kiss rather than bend my emotions. My feelings are more important to me than you are. My emotions will run the show. My weary eyelids with fall shut, and another day will be gone without making a connection with that loving Father.

Ouch.

I have no kisses in my heart, tonight, God.

 

One of those days... too many times!

Have you ever had a difficult day... and then another... and another... until your bad day becomes a stressful week which turns into a tearful month? I have! I'm going to be honest... I'm in the midst of one of those times of life right now. Things aren't always perfect. Aren't usually perfect, actually. Reality is... life is hard sometimes. Now, I know my life right now isn't really hard compared to some people, and that perspective really helps.

Lumberjack is working long, hard hours. He leaves before anyone else is up in the morning. He gets home in time for a late supper, immediately after which we put the kids to bed. He checks his business email, walks Princess to sleep, and his eyes shut the instant his head hits the pillow. His work doesn't need to be redone every 5 minutes, but is still standing just as beautiful years later. Some days it's hard not to be upset that he can be breathing God's fresh air all day, go to sleep almost instantly at night, and has something to show for his hard work by the end of the day. I wish he has more time to spend talking, so I could at least converse with another adult for a few minutes without constantly being needed by a little person. But, I could be raising our children all alone. I could be crying myself to sleep because he isn't coming home. He could be spending his hard-earned money on rigging up a fancy sports car or hunting gear or worse, and making me budget tightly just to put food on the table. He could spend all his non-work hours in front of a TV playing video games. But instead he works hard at home and away to ensure a comfortable home with

My children fight and bicker and squabble their way through the day. Manly just won't play with Big Stuff, or they turn Little Miss away. Princess decides to spend the afternoon inconsolable instead of napping nicely. Bid Stuff decides school isn't what he wants to do and he fights it all day long instead of getting through quickly so he can go play. Life somehow isn't quite the way I imagined it! But again, I have so much to be grateful for. Big Stuff is our miracle child, who could easily have died at birth or shortly thereafter. He shouldn't even be here, but for the grace of God Who spared his life. Or I look at my memorial photo of Treasure, and wish with aching heart to be listening to those pattering little feet tracking mud across the floor. Perspective. I have too many blessings to count!

Somedays, survival itself seems like enough work for one person. And that's okay. If all you did today was survive, you accomplished something! But as you cry yourself to sleep tonight (as I did after the day outlined above) remember tomorrow is another new day. My experiences today do not have to project to tomorrow. Tomorrow, by the strength of the Lord who spoke the beautiful flowers into being, can be better. How many times have I fallen asleep begging God to help me and give me strength because my responsibilities in just getting 4 children clothed, fed, and kind of cleaned up after seemed like too much? And that's besides teaching school and make my home a joyful, restful, sanctuary for my husband when he comes home. It is way too big for me to handle on my own! And in this season, some things that were on the "must do" list don't get done. The bone broth grows moldy in the crockpot, the fridge smells to high heaven and I don't have the time or energy to scout it out, and the floor in the school room is gritty with sand from the hems of little boys' jeans. Sigh. But, I keep having to remind myself it's okay. It really is. Food may get wasted, laundry may get bleached, but we made it through the day and have tomorrow to look forward to. In a million years, we will not remember the little trials, but we will know whether we have done our most important work--leading others along heaven's path. Go ahead and cry awhile, precious Mama, but then wipe those tears and count some blessings. They will come back to reward you.

HomeKeeper November Challenge

During this busy holiday season it's so easy to lose our focus on what's important and focus on that overwhelming "Must-Do" list. Which is important... at least it seems that way when you're standing in Toys-R-Us trying to figure out how to juggle gift buying with budgeting in a way that no one is left out or offended. Now that's stressful! And, of course, necessary.

But what about the most important things? What about our walk with God? And our homes and family?

So this November, my challenge to you is to become a prayer warrior for your home. As you go through your house each day, pray for it. Pray for the person inhabiting each bedroom. Pray for a peaceful atmosphere in the living room. Pray for health and joy as you work in the kitchen. Cover your home with prayer, so that all who enter will be blessed. Pray for opportunities to use your home as a place to minister to others. Pray that God would fill your home with His Spirit, His grace, His joy, His peace.

Even though our homes are just built of wood and stone, and will someday be gone, they are still an important part of our lives. Let's use them to honor our Creator. And let's not ignore the "best" for the "good". Make sure you make time to pray, even if it is over a sudsy sink of dishes.

Connect with me!

Enjoying what you see? There are a couple little boxes just over there to the right... you can follow this blog by email OR if you have a gmail account you can click "Join This Site." I'd love for you to comment and say hi as well!

There is also a sister page on FaceBook (https://www.facebook.com/HomeKeeper-Helper-1036779436355209/) where you can follow along! Like it, and you'll be notified when there's a new post! Also I'd be delighted if you wanted to drop a hint on there of what you'd like to see here on the blog or on the FB page. I'm also thinking of starting a group to ask questions, share tips, whatever you feel like doing! Is anyone interested?

Introduction To Our Life....

Now that you know a little who we are as people, let me introduce you to some of the other facets of our lives! We live on a small acreage in the country in Wisconsin, in an old farmhouse we had moved on to our property when our house trailer got too small. We've spent the last 2 1/2 years remodeling it and fixing things up so we can sell it, and hopefully move on to a bigger acreage once we find one available that fits our needs.

Our house

So, what are those needs? For one, a space to put Lumberjack's shop. Right now he's renting one, but it's not real suited to the type of work he does, and he needs some more space to spread his wings. Er, logs. He's the local expert on log buildings, and has had lots of work repairing and maintaining log structures, as well as building some new ones. He sells lumber and specialty wood products out of his rented shop. He's a fine craftsman and artist with wood--as long as when you think artist you think practically, big, and full log size type stuff.

Another need is a place to put our animals. We started with one angus cross heifer, and now our herd has grown to two cows, two heifer calves, and a yearling steer, without buying a single animal. Well, at the moment we also have a borrowed bull in our pasture so we can add to the herd by two again next year. Our herd has long outstripped our pasture, and is beginning to push the limits of our rented pasture as well. Thankfully, our freezer is also full with a grassfed steer off of our own land, from our own cow. Gotta love the homestead life! Oh, and we also have about 40 chickens in the freezer that we raised over the summer. And 10 hens out in the backyard for our own fresh eggs. There's also a rooster out there, so hopefully we'll be seeing some chicks running around out there next summer!

To add to the hobby farm feel we have two big Alaskan Malamutes, a male (Kodi) and female (Tundra), which we have around as pets and as an income supplement/science teaching tool with a litter of puppies every so often. We have used Kodi to pull our little red wagon sometimes, and we do have a dogsled but need to get a harness for Tundra before we can really do much with it as it's too big and heavy for one dog to easily pull. And, last but not least, we have the skunk defying, sandwich stealing tom cat named Yeller.

Indoors, we at the present time have only one little Betta fish, Bertie, as a part of the decorations in our kitchen... His predecessor, Flash, was finished off by a little overly helpful human topping off his fish bowl with cold water, and poor Flash somehow ended up on the floor halfway across the kitchen. Bertie won't be facing the same fate, now the children have been educated!

I hope to soon give you a tour of our home as well. I love our house, and I'll be sad to eventually move out. Meanwhile, I'll enjoy living here, and work at getting some pictures of it for you to see!

All I do is flush toilets!

It seems like lately every time I turn around lately I'm smelling rancid pee. Or worse. Then the hunt is on to determine which of our 3 bathrooms is the source... and which of my 3 stinkers was the culprit. I usually end up flushing at least two of the toilets, turning off the bathroom lights/fan, lighting a candle, and shutting the door too. Only to repeat shortly. Again. And. Again.

Then I finally make it outside to hang up a load of wash. Instead of enjoying the breeze and sunshine, I find myself steaming over always flushing toilets. And then I hang up an item I had only washed a few days ago. Seriously? This is dirty again?

And that is only a reminder that recently I had pulled an entire stack of clean, still folded little boys' jeans out of the DIRTY laundry hamper. C'mon, kids, is throwing clothes down the laundry chute really that much fun? Or were you just too lazy to actually put them in the drawer after I washed, hung up, took down, folded, and handed you that stack of clean pants? Now THIS time put them AWAY. In the drawer. Neatly. Where they belong.

Meanwhile, the baby monitor squawks. Looking despairingly at the half empty basket of laundry still waiting to be folded, I leave it there to go feed that hungry Princess again. She slurps, and burps, and fills her diaper. After changing her diaper, and her clothes, I get to go on yet another toilet flushing spree.

And, you guessed it, one thing leads to another, and suddenly the laundry's been bleaching in the sun for two hours. (Hint: Not sure why laundry bleaches fast in the basket than out, but it makes some strange patterns on nice clothes when a basket of laundry sits in the sun for too long!) Lay Princess down, tip toe from the bedroom, and hurriedly finish the load of laundry while hoping Lumberjack is late again so I don't have to feel guilty about not having supper ready on time.

And that's how life seem to go. One repetitive chore after another. Children who don't seem to care if there are clean clothes carpeting their bedroom floor. More fires to put out during a day than you have time or energy to deal with. And life, never mind the house, seems like one royal mess! Life with small children seems so hectic and wearisome. And yet all you seem to do is flush toilets.

Let us lift our minds and hearts above the daily drudgery! I need the reminder more than you, believe me. When it seems I only turned circles all day I feel discouraged and defeated. Surely I was made for bigger things! My joys, my talents, my interests are buried underneath an ever expanding mountain of laundry and being smothered by the demands of hungry bellies. But the owners of those hungry bellies are eternal souls. The little one whose dirty dress I'm washing for the second time in the same week might one day have to scrub blood from her shirt after saving a life. The little feet tracking sand in from the sandbox might someday be tracking through more hostile sand in search of souls for the Kingdom of God. The greasy fingerprints left on the walls belong to someone who might one day be trusted to fix something that would mean life or death to a hundred people flying over the ocean.

And on a practical note--I have found it hugely helpful to have one, just one, little corner that I can keep clean. Effort spent in keeping that place spotless is effort paid off when I need to lay my eyes on something restful. At one point it was the couch. If the couch could just be clean, I could take a deep breath of refreshment when I glanced at it and find courage to face down another mountain somewhere else. Right now, my refreshing place is my laundry room. Now that may sound silly or hard to keep up with, but it is organized and laid out so well it only takes me about 5 minutes to clean it, including mopping the floor. Being just off the kitchen, I see it all the time. The kids don't play in there, so it doesn't tend to get full of their clutter. Someday, yes, someday I will make more than one restful spot, but for now, this will have to do. Speaking of which, I need to take my 5 minutes to go clean it while Princess is still sleeping...

Introduction To The Family...

Hello! I'm glad to see you here! Let me introduce myself and share a little about my life, family, and blog. For starters, let me introduce my family, starting with the newest addition:

Princess is all of two months old. She's everybody's pet, and is growing like a weed. (Her daddy's nickname for her is "Monster"--weighing in at 16 pounds already, it's almost appropriate!) Needless to say, at this point all she does is eat, sleep, fill diapers, and fuss, with her days generously sprinkled with smiles and coos as well in happy moments of being the center of attention.

Treasure is our angel baby, would be 15 months old, and is remembered always in our hearts.

Little Miss is 3, delighted to be a big sister! She loves to help with the baby, in the kitchen, with the laundry, and any time I need to "spway" something to clean it. In general, she's my right hand helper and loves to be initiated into the wonders of homemaking. She is doing kindergarten this year in school, and is breezing through it even though she's so young. She wants to learn to read!

 

Manly is 5, and says he wants to be an EMT and a mechanic when he grows up. He loves to tinker with things, off by himself somewhere, and is always happiest at home with all of us nearby. He's a neat and tidy little fellow naturally, which I sure don't mind! He'll often set things right about the house... even when I haven't asked him to do something. He's also doing kindergarten in school this year, and loves it.

Big Stuff is our big 8 year old. He's super friendly, super energetic, super affectionate, and has a super imagination. There are no half-ways with this young man... as long as his excitement stays up! His ambition is to do whatever it is that makes money, including big ideas to sell his well-used toy for $100. Sorry, Son! But watch out world when he gets big enough to wield that entrepreneurial spirit! He's doing some third grade and some fourth grade stuff in school, and is recovering from a fall on his head with resultant brain surgery over the summer which does affect his academics some.

Lumberjack is my husband. Handsome. Need I say more? He does some logging, some work at our sawmill, and lots of work repairing, chinking, staining, and building log and wood sided structures. He works hard for us, and his muscles show it! (www.KickapooCountryMilling.com) He's a gentle, but strong, manly man who I love with all my heart.

And me, Mom. Wife. Homemaker. Teacher. Cook. Laundress. Entrepreneur. Homesteader wanna-be. Queen of my small realm called Home. Daughter of the King. Ambassador of an unseen Kingdom. That's all the nice stuff... but walk in on me on any given day and you might just find a weepy mess living in a pig pen whose only accomplishment of the day was that no one died. Well, this is real life, with a real battle to be fought. Thanks for joining me!